His time

May 22, 2016

Ah long time no write in this space, so much so that my grammar has gone to the dogs.

Today I got quite severely disappointed when we finally discussed plans. I was hoping for some happy times this year. Somehow. Probably my own fault for being naive and failing math.

Then I find out the exams are in November. Which is fine. But then, therefore, nothing is planned before that at all. Which kinda pushes everything back by at least 6 months.

Wanting forever to start as soon as possible.

But perhaps God has other plans. What am I saying. Of cos God has other plans. I just need to trust in him.

Can’t be relied upon. Fickle. Indecisive. Says to go for some course, but don’t see how he’ll have the time.

Dear dear, negative words all out. Too harsh? A bit borderline personality.?

Maybe some sleep would be good for me .

6 March, 2016 00:35

March 6, 2016

Drifting… Drifting… Or simply uncovering and revealing what we never possessed?

Teaching independence, or simply a lack of love.

What joy do I derive?
What joy do I give?

Two sides as always.
Hard as always.

writing on the wall.

August 15, 2015

went for cell group with other christian E trainees. only 2 others turned up (total of 4 of us).

was quite pleasant though still.

but what surprised me was how easily i almost teared when i shared about someone not being christian.

shocked to learn that L gave her then BF (now husband with 2 kids) an ultimatum, that she’ll leave if he doesnt return to church after 6 months.

it would all have been back burner again, if not for the fact that he turned up to pick me up, however, i basically continued with CG because it felt quite meaningful to me. unfortunately, it entailed him waiting for 1.5hours. and he was royally upset.

which led me gradually to think of all the times he got angry. which led me to feel that he’s more often angry with me than i am with him. and for perhaps, ?petty things.

which leads me to unhappy thoughts. thoughts which have break, separation in it.

i wonder if that is the right thing to do.

sigh.